don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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