through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
