nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
