plz talk dirty to me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
