the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
