I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
