we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
