Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
