chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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