Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
