I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
