I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
