i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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