Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am naked and annoyed.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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