On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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