i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize