Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
