I wish I could teleport
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
