Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
