Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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