I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
did i walk over a car last night?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
