i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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