I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
