I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
