I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
