booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize