i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
