Betty ford says i'm here all night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
