Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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