Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
