ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
