Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
