It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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