This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
