I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
