a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
