like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
