my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
