the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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