I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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