I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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