3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
