Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
