look no pants
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
