Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
