Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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