Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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