didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
