billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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