i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
