tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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