Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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