they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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