she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
