Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
