Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
