Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
