Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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