Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
